Exonerated N.B. Man Reflects on Life After Death Row Experience
Robert Mailman shares his mixed feelings after being wrongfully convicted and exonerated, grappling with loss and the search for justice.
Saint John, New Brunswick, Robert Mailman, Walter Gillespie, Exoneration, Wrongful Conviction
Saint John: Robert Mailman is facing a unique challenge this holiday season. He needs to buy Christmas gifts, something he never thought he’d have to do.
At 76, he was exonerated on January 4 for a murder he didn’t commit back in 1983. He and his friend Walter Gillespie spent years in prison. His legal team had said he was terminally ill, given just months to live.
Now, almost a year after being declared innocent, Mailman is still here, but he feels like he’s lost so much. He says it’s like he’s still in prison in some ways.
The judge’s decision came after the federal Justice Minister called for a new trial, citing new evidence that raised serious questions about the fairness of their original trial.
In February, Mailman and Gillespie reached a settlement with the New Brunswick government. Sadly, just a couple of months later, Gillespie passed away at 80.
Mailman thought he wouldn’t survive the year after doctors gave him what he calls a “death sentence.” He spent 18 years in prison and 24 years on strict parole. “I came home … and was put on death row,” he shared during a recent chat in his Saint John apartment.
His one-bedroom place shows signs of his illness. His fridge is stocked with high-calorie supplements and diluted juice, the only things he can handle. There’s even a large envelope labeled “Funeral Arrangements” sitting on a table.
Before he passes, he wants to see the results of a police review into the investigation that led to their wrongful convictions. Innocence Canada, which fought for their freedom, pointed out serious flaws in the police work.
Mailman isn’t alone in seeking answers. The Premier of New Brunswick also wants to know more about the police investigation. She’s asking, “Where is the report? What were their findings?”
While Mailman appreciates the judge’s ruling, he doesn’t expect an apology from the police. “I’m trying to be a Christian now,” he said, adding that he forgives them sincerely.
Reflecting on the past year, he admits some days feel like he’s still behind bars. He clenches his fists, saying, “I can touch them. That always stays with you.”
He remembers his best friend Gillespie fondly. Their last chat was just small talk over coffee the day before Gillespie died after a fall. Mailman sensed his friend was fading, and he believes the stress of fighting for justice took a toll on him.
Mailman still visits their favorite coffee shop, where he can almost see Gillespie sitting across from him.
He carries the weight of loss, as both of his sons died while he was incarcerated. A Christmas wreath in their memory sits on his kitchen island, and he visits their graves often, talking to them.
Despite being free, he struggles to connect with his grandchildren and great-grandchildren, fearing his past might affect their futures. “It’s my choice, and they respect it,” he said.
He leaves the holiday shopping to his partner but ensures the gifts reach the younger family members. “They all love me, and I love them. That’s the way we leave it.”
This report by The Canadian Press was first published on December 22, 2024.
Hina Alam, The Canadian Press